sail away

Isn't it weird how a conversation with one person or an experience, a smell or a song can bring back memories? Well, it's not weird because it happens all the time.. but, you would think that after 10 years, I would get over it and just realise "that's the way it is?".

Nope.

Yesterday I sailed my way across to the Isle of Wight. OK, so the Isle of Wight is nothing like Oregon.. but that feeling of the open air whilst enjoying the wide wide sea just reminds me of being in the US. And, tonight I had a 'Skype chat' with my friend Joel who lives in Redding... the end of the conversation consisted of him talking with a few others in the room he was in about where they were going to go for lunch. As they reeled off all these places they could go to eat I would go "aww... " because I miss that place.

How lame am I?!

We all think that our timeline is how it should be. I think that I should be in the US by now.. I have never felt settled ever since I came back here. Sure, I have had to learn to put my feet down and actually invest in things over here... but there is always that part of me which aches to move back there.

Next year I might. But, I guess that because I have been here for a while now, I am afraid. Am I too old to take the plunge and take a risk? I sometimes think I am. I sometimes think that I need to do all the things I should be doing at my age. Get a husband, get a new car, get a good pension and start listening to more David Gray.

*sigh*

it is well

This morning my Mom and I were talking about the hymn, "It is Well with my Soul" and the story behind the man who wrote it. It was written by Horatio Spafford with music composed by Philip Bliss and it's the story of Spafford, which completely blew me away.

Horatio Spafford wrote this song after many traumatic experiences including the death of his only son in 1871, shortly followed by the great Chicago Fire which ruined him financially. Then, in 1873, he had planned to travel to Europe with his family on the S. S. Ville Du Havre, but sent the family ahead while he was delayed on business. While cross­ing the At­lan­tic, the ship sank rapidly after a collision with an­o­ther ship, and all four of Spaf­ford’s daugh­ters died. Spaf­ford’s wife Anna sur­vived and sent him the now fa­mous tel­e­gram, “Saved alone.” Shortly afterwards, as Spaf­ford traveled to meet his grieving wife, he was inspired to write these words as his ship passed near where his daugh­ters had died.

So... that was the story of Horatio Spafford... and the lyrics are:


When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.


But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!
Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!


And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

This story just astounded me. For one, I think the song is incredibly beautiful but knowing the situation of the man who wrote it, baffles me even more. That, in the midst of all of this devastation, he still chose to praise God.

My life's trials are nothing compared to Spafford's, they don't even come close... but do I get caught up in the situation or look to Christ? Do I praise God in the midst of trials?

The answer is a definate, no.

Last night I was laying awake thinking about some things and how I feel as if I have been pooped on from a great height from the ways in which some have treated me. But, what can I do? I don't know.. I have examined my actions and thoughts and YES I am angry. Really angry.

I also look at other people's situations within my family and just the problems they've encountered. Am I praising God? Am I saying "It is Well with my Soul"? Uh, no.

Whilst I agree that God is tender to our circumstances and is a God of Grace, I also believe that He calls us to Praise despite circumstances... circumstances are temporary, yet He is infinite and outside of time...

This is something I am trying to grasp. I would rather revel in my situations and be a little bit self-absorbed. Yet, I know that I have to step out of this....and praise Him.