Annoying. I don't want to have to share my blog page with other people. It's just all over the place and I don't like it. I guess I'm selfish - I mean, I know Tumblr. is all about sharing ideas, etc but to be honest, I just want somewhere to write and have my own space with no other 're-blogged items'.
I spent this past weekend in London, which was good. Sarah had a lovely tea party so I made cakes to take down. I used to make cakes a while back but stopped. But, I love making them so I enjoyed making these delicious ones. Then, today I moved offices, fell down the stairs and really hurt myself. No fun.
Things have got to change.
It's time.
Wednesday, 27 May 2009
Monday, 12 January 2009
Holy Mess
Don't you just love Church when it gets messy? Ahh, I do. I love it. I love it when God shows up and blows us away by His Glorious presence!
This weekend, we've had a 'leadership and vision' development time wherein we had an external provider come in, check us out and then encourage us to be 'real' with each other and where we want to see the Church go. Now, this could have been a little bit dangerous... ! Friday night there was a bit of tension, shall we say..! But, as the weekend developed some really great stuff came out. One of the best things was on Saturday when each one of us was encouraged to think about what we are passionate about and what we are going to 'step up to the plate' with in our Church's life.
I sat and thought about this... and knew, almost immediately, what I needed to say and commit to. This was worship and a few other things..
Anyways, I could feel my heart beating, going crazy... but knew I had to take a stand in this. So, I did.. and guess what? Amy got emotional! Ha. That's just the way I am.
This morning at Church was awesome. Firstly, Guy (the guy who came to speak) spoke on latent potential. And, how Jesus always saw that in people - in Simon he saw the potential ... of Peter and in us He recognises potential. And, as a community of believers that is how we should see each other.
I was asked to play a little (guitar) whilst people moved around to encourage each other - speak out what they see in each other. I happily played some music... and then Paul, a guy in the Church (and, and awesome one!) came and really encouraged me about my worship leading... then, the guy, Guy came and prayed for me... about worship and how he saw the prophetic moving in my life and I needed to really step out into that more. I could feel my whole body shaking... it was great.
Then, toward the end of the meeting all those who 'felt' that God was calling them to step up to the plate as regards the prophetic, were called to the front. I walked on up and I have never experienced this before, but I felt the literal glory of the Lord on my face.. I started saying 'can anyone else feel that heat??'... all over my face, it was CRAZY! (I thought I had begun the menopause and the hot flashes had begun...haha - not yet, Lord!).... ahh. Awesome.
Anyways, I guess what I am unpacking on this blog is my thoughts/feelings/stirring about the giftings God has given me. For such a long time, in Church, I have felt as if because I 'do things differently' when it comes to worship, there isn't a place for those ways of doing things... so, I have stepped back a little bit. My Pastor is awesome who always encourages... but, I have come up against some stuff (that doesn't need to be relived over this blog) which has been upsetting and a little bit ...I can't think of the word... restricted. That's the one.
But, the encouragement I have received from others.. particularly over this past weekend but also my good friend Alana, who I went to see in Paris before Christmas, has really stirred up what God has put in me. Sure, I don't believe I'm the best 'singer' in the world.. or the best guitarest... but I want to use what God has given me.
Which brings me to something else I've been thinking about... and, I don't know how well this will come across in a blog... but, with the possibility of me moving to Ventura in a few months or so, will I have the chance to exercise this gifting of worship leading? At the end of the day, I want to use what God has given me, to further His Kingdom. But, I really feel a release in my Church which, if I move away, I don't know will continue. Sure, we should all move forward in our gifts regardless of whether we are encouraged or not - our identity comes from God and God alone. But, we are human - and encouragement is good, ya know? Will I be able to move in this gifting or will it be a year where I have to lay that down? To be honest, I don't want to lay it down as I feel God is stirring it up in me again to move forward in..
I know that wherever we are, we are called to serve - if that means putting out the chairs, cleaning the crappers, taking out the rubbish, then that is just as important as leading worship, speaking in Church or leading a group. But, I do believe that God has given us strengths and giftings that He wants us to use in the Church... and, I want to use those gifts..
Long blog.
In the Midst Of..
2008 has passed and here we are, already in 2009. I remember thinking, whilst watching one of the Back To The Future films many years ago, 'I wonder what it'll be like in the 21st Century, whether we will indeed use the Hover Board to travel'.
But, it's still our feet. (which is a good thing otherwise we could have ended up travelling in armchairs, a la Wal*E mode).
For me, 2008 was a year during which I threw myself into my job. I became what I did and many times throughout the year I would find myself stressed, unable to sleep and working to, more often than not, ridiculous deadlines. But, in many ways I thought this was good - I was proving myself and also my ability to manage and grow the company in which I work and did see fruit from this.
Now it's a whole 9 days since we opened our 2009 calendars, I have had a little time to reflect on last year and think about the year ahead.
I think that I have reached a stage whereat I choose to not make lofty plans for the year ahead. I think planning is important but so much can change in a matter of days let alone 12 months. Lots of things have changed for me in the past 12 months but not necessarily those things I thought would change. I guess that makes it so much more evident that God is God and His thoughts differ so much from ours!
For so long in my life, I have lived in the future and have longed for the day when.
I had a comment on a previous blog from a good friend stating that I always write about the same thing in my blogs - i.e. dreams, unfulfilled desires, etc and he was so right. I have lived in that place for a long time and it's only really this past year during which, I have examined those areas of my life.
I guess that, admittedly, I put more hope in my dreams than in my Maker.
So, God has brought me to a place of really and truely laying some things down. I'm not saying that those things are forgotton but, they are in their rightful place - not in my Hands but at the foot of the Cross. Best place for them.
Since I slowly (when I say slowly, it's been about 8 years!) have reached this place of surrendering those things, God has opened up some doors - and, to be honest, the doors He is opening are pretty daunting. I have had to ask myself the question 'crap, am I ready for this' and thoughts that life has become comfortable in the past couple of years - do I really want to uproot?.... I don't think I would have even considered these things a number of years ago. I do believe that it's so important to consider things whilst also not allowing external factors to ultimately determine decision.
Last Sunday whilst visiting a Church in California, the Pastor was talking about how everything belongs to God and we are only stewards of things. (e.g. money, gifting, family, etc). That really challenged me about what I was doing with what God has given - am I being a good steward or am I using those things as excuses to remain in the status quo?
At the end of the day, I guess what has really shifted in my heart is the concentration on God rather than me. All I am is His and all I have is His. The only lofty plan I have for 2009 is to have a year, during which my relationship with God is priority. Not my dreams but the pursuit of His heart. I want to be closer to God... not from a striving but from a falling in love with Him.
So, for me, 2009 is a year to fall in love.
But, it's still our feet. (which is a good thing otherwise we could have ended up travelling in armchairs, a la Wal*E mode).
For me, 2008 was a year during which I threw myself into my job. I became what I did and many times throughout the year I would find myself stressed, unable to sleep and working to, more often than not, ridiculous deadlines. But, in many ways I thought this was good - I was proving myself and also my ability to manage and grow the company in which I work and did see fruit from this.
Now it's a whole 9 days since we opened our 2009 calendars, I have had a little time to reflect on last year and think about the year ahead.
I think that I have reached a stage whereat I choose to not make lofty plans for the year ahead. I think planning is important but so much can change in a matter of days let alone 12 months. Lots of things have changed for me in the past 12 months but not necessarily those things I thought would change. I guess that makes it so much more evident that God is God and His thoughts differ so much from ours!
For so long in my life, I have lived in the future and have longed for the day when.
I had a comment on a previous blog from a good friend stating that I always write about the same thing in my blogs - i.e. dreams, unfulfilled desires, etc and he was so right. I have lived in that place for a long time and it's only really this past year during which, I have examined those areas of my life.
I guess that, admittedly, I put more hope in my dreams than in my Maker.
So, God has brought me to a place of really and truely laying some things down. I'm not saying that those things are forgotton but, they are in their rightful place - not in my Hands but at the foot of the Cross. Best place for them.
Since I slowly (when I say slowly, it's been about 8 years!) have reached this place of surrendering those things, God has opened up some doors - and, to be honest, the doors He is opening are pretty daunting. I have had to ask myself the question 'crap, am I ready for this' and thoughts that life has become comfortable in the past couple of years - do I really want to uproot?.... I don't think I would have even considered these things a number of years ago. I do believe that it's so important to consider things whilst also not allowing external factors to ultimately determine decision.
Last Sunday whilst visiting a Church in California, the Pastor was talking about how everything belongs to God and we are only stewards of things. (e.g. money, gifting, family, etc). That really challenged me about what I was doing with what God has given - am I being a good steward or am I using those things as excuses to remain in the status quo?
At the end of the day, I guess what has really shifted in my heart is the concentration on God rather than me. All I am is His and all I have is His. The only lofty plan I have for 2009 is to have a year, during which my relationship with God is priority. Not my dreams but the pursuit of His heart. I want to be closer to God... not from a striving but from a falling in love with Him.
So, for me, 2009 is a year to fall in love.
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