Holy Mess

Don't you just love Church when it gets messy? Ahh, I do. I love it. I love it when God shows up and blows us away by His Glorious presence!

This weekend, we've had a 'leadership and vision' development time wherein we had an external provider come in, check us out and then encourage us to be 'real' with each other and where we want to see the Church go. Now, this could have been a little bit dangerous... ! Friday night there was a bit of tension, shall we say..! But, as the weekend developed some really great stuff came out. One of the best things was on Saturday when each one of us was encouraged to think about what we are passionate about and what we are going to 'step up to the plate' with in our Church's life.
I sat and thought about this... and knew, almost immediately, what I needed to say and commit to. This was worship and a few other things..

Anyways, I could feel my heart beating, going crazy... but knew I had to take a stand in this. So, I did.. and guess what? Amy got emotional! Ha. That's just the way I am.

This morning at Church was awesome. Firstly, Guy (the guy who came to speak) spoke on latent potential. And, how Jesus always saw that in people - in Simon he saw the potential ... of Peter and in us He recognises potential. And, as a community of believers that is how we should see each other.

I was asked to play a little (guitar) whilst people moved around to encourage each other - speak out what they see in each other. I happily played some music... and then Paul, a guy in the Church (and, and awesome one!) came and really encouraged me about my worship leading... then, the guy, Guy came and prayed for me... about worship and how he saw the prophetic moving in my life and I needed to really step out into that more. I could feel my whole body shaking... it was great.

Then, toward the end of the meeting all those who 'felt' that God was calling them to step up to the plate as regards the prophetic, were called to the front. I walked on up and I have never experienced this before, but I felt the literal glory of the Lord on my face.. I started saying 'can anyone else feel that heat??'... all over my face, it was CRAZY! (I thought I had begun the menopause and the hot flashes had begun...haha - not yet, Lord!).... ahh. Awesome.

Anyways, I guess what I am unpacking on this blog is my thoughts/feelings/stirring about the giftings God has given me. For such a long time, in Church, I have felt as if because I 'do things differently' when it comes to worship, there isn't a place for those ways of doing things... so, I have stepped back a little bit. My Pastor is awesome who always encourages... but, I have come up against some stuff (that doesn't need to be relived over this blog) which has been upsetting and a little bit ...I can't think of the word... restricted. That's the one.

But, the encouragement I have received from others.. particularly over this past weekend but also my good friend Alana, who I went to see in Paris before Christmas, has really stirred up what God has put in me. Sure, I don't believe I'm the best 'singer' in the world.. or the best guitarest... but I want to use what God has given me.

Which brings me to something else I've been thinking about... and, I don't know how well this will come across in a blog... but, with the possibility of me moving to Ventura in a few months or so, will I have the chance to exercise this gifting of worship leading? At the end of the day, I want to use what God has given me, to further His Kingdom. But, I really feel a release in my Church which, if I move away, I don't know will continue. Sure, we should all move forward in our gifts regardless of whether we are encouraged or not - our identity comes from God and God alone. But, we are human - and encouragement is good, ya know? Will I be able to move in this gifting or will it be a year where I have to lay that down? To be honest, I don't want to lay it down as I feel God is stirring it up in me again to move forward in..

I know that wherever we are, we are called to serve - if that means putting out the chairs, cleaning the crappers, taking out the rubbish, then that is just as important as leading worship, speaking in Church or leading a group. But, I do believe that God has given us strengths and giftings that He wants us to use in the Church... and, I want to use those gifts..

Long blog.